2011
So far in 2011:
Survived my first year of grad school and started the second year
Met a new guy and started dating him
First real client-tomorrow!
Watched my friend complete a triathlon
Had as much ice cream as I could eat
All the roller coasters at Busch Gardens!
Put down my 14 yr old dog
Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world. -Archbishop Desmond Tutu
The Archbishop was inspired by something and was referring to, as it seems to me wishes and dreams. All the little things in life add up to the grand sum of your greatness in the world. No matter where you are…that means whatever your situation, no matter insignificant you feel or how horrible you think your life is going today or in the past. I guess the cynic side of me must be overrun, at least in the fact that I am sure that things can reach positive change, just as I have faith that people can make positive change. It’s more that just setting your mind to it and working hard but tweaking all the little intricacies of your existence. Be not afraid to look around and push yourself to do, even if they are tiny things, such as recycling all your plastics. If enough people recycle their plastics the world would be a less poisonous place and instead of overwhelming the world with waste the earth would be freer and cleaner for all. Overwhelm the world with the little things you do, get people to follow you or expand on your seed of an idea. We can overwhelm the world with the dreams that we all have inside us and the tiny things can add up to one huge chunk of change.
Wishes for after…
I can’t do this anymore
This burden on my heart is killing me
Suffocating the breath right out of me
Overwhelming worry and anxiety
About the time that is coming when I will be alone again
From the one that I love but can’t stand sometimes
I want to strangle him so he can do me no more harm
Nothing helps to soothe or distract myself
From what I know is coming soon
Nervous and shaking
To hold him and kiss him will do little good
As the words he will say will pierce my soul
For the last time
I will lay defeated and not wanting the air
I will self destruct
Will have no more worry or fears
When I lay cold and swollen
I wrote this poem today as I was anxiously awaiting my bf’s arrival. I felt it coming. My simple wish is that I am able to put myself back together and keep on dreaming for my life. Even though I hope things will get better I also hope he changes his mind so that when I move in with him we can be happy again! I still love him and always will.
Love, waiting a wish (poem from 2-8-10)
I will wait around for you to have your introverted adventure
All I ask is that at the end I still have a place in your heart
No doubt about how I feel
Even if you feel half of what I do I am satisfied
I don’t have to hold you or make love
But looking you straight in the eye would not hurt
While we talk for hours about something and nothing
Even if you are empty spaces on the inside
New Year’s poem(1-9-10)…a little bit late
It’s a new year but resolutions
are the last thing on my mind
just want to know what’s going on
that, oh that gives me more baggage and bind
than physical weight could ever place
I know I have my goals
but that’s not a fresh start or a fresh face
luck and fate never matter
never could put my aspirations on erase
But one thing is, that which I hate
not seeing my friends until a later date
always on my mind when I study
just want to be around any buddy
affection and interaction
could really give me some satisfaction
It’s a Christmas Wish…
It’s a week until Christmas and I really am not in the spirit of the season or in the mood to go home and be with my family, especially since my parents are separated. I don’t mean to be a Scrooge but the one that I care about is not going to be around for Christmas, not that he doesn’t want to be but he is just not able to because of trnasportation and work. My Christmas wish is kinda reminscent of Mariah Carey with her wanting her man under the tree with ribbons and bows. But if he could be wearing just the ribbons and bows that would be so much better…
Meditation as a book…
So this wish is from yesterday but I was bust rushing to get papers done and did not have the time to stop and smell the roses. I was in States of Consciousness class and I was tired because I had just rushed through eating and just wanted a nap. My professor was lecturing about dreams and sleep and it was sounding so good. Then he started discussing meditation and to prove the point of the controversy between zero and one he told us to sit up straight with our feet on the floor and our hands on our lap. He told us to think of an object that we could try to be one with and to do this until he told us to stopped. Immediately I thought of a book because I was hoping it would bring me luck while studying and I thought it would be quite easy…it turned out I thought about a nice old cloth covered book with a sturdy binding, gold edged pages and a ribbon for a bookmark, the pages were being written on with a inkwell pen and were fluttering and filling up as the time passed. I would continually open and close the book and try to read what it said in the scrolling font. Who knew wishing myself to be one with a book would be so easy and so relaxing, I was barely awake by the end of it. Our professor asked us how long we though it was and some people said it was five minutes or two minutes, I knew it was not that long but I got a lot accomplished in 3 minutes. I daydream of that image and wish to be one with it in this following week as I complete my finals. Good luck!
Dream of the secret garden
Gosh this movie, the Secret Garden besides bringing back so many memories is making me desire and dream of my own magical place like the movie shows. I am watching this movie for a school paper but to me it’s not work to delve back into my past, I used to watch it all the time and read the book also. I wish my child or children to be able to experience this story and also the type of experiences that I never did when I was younger. I actually did a lot of fantasy pretend play when I was younger where we were ruling over great lands and were growing things and just out in nature. I grew up around nature but you still have to make it more exciting. I remember going out into the cemetery next to where we lived and having great adventures. We used what we found outside and turned it into items that were magic, like rocks and green potatoes from the field behind us….dream on and on.
Bloom apart but joy when we meet
I caught myself saying this simple phrase today as I was leaving the apartment to my friend via text message as she expressed to me that we would look back in ten years and remember our phone relationship being our only method of keeping in touch. this is dedicated to her…
Gloom knows no boundary
parts brought together
pieces of the lives we lead,
we bloom apart day by day
but when we meet again it will be joy
togetherness has it’s expirations
limitations of truly stretching
grandiose plans best accomplished in the single
roads and paths and lines of adventure
bisecting and trisecting and running parallel
parallel is the most familiar
a duo of wings that soar towards the same radiance
we fly apart course by course
when we meet again it will be something…
strange coincidence with 3…leading to a wish
I may be a little off my rocker or I may be like Jim Carrey’s character in the Number 23 either way it’s quite interesting…if you add up all the months that I was in a relationship with a guy(not the same one) it adds up to 36 months which is divisible by three evenly to get 12 and if you add 1 and 2 together you get 3. 36 months is 3 years. My first relationship, which I call a summer fling was 3 months long. My most recent relationship was also three months long( it was also my 6th one) and it ended 3 days ago. It seems that things have come full circle…and it’s a little bit eerie. See also the date, December 3rd. I wish for more coincidences like this in life, if that is really what fate is trying to tell me.
